Indecisions of a Love Once Lost
by Lavender Mansworth
Summary: Once again, I have no life, and all of a sudden, oh look, it's another SiriusBella! Less angsty. Not a deathfic for once.


A/N: La de da de da, another Sirius/Bellatrix piece that gasp does _not _end in the death of any character! OMFG, can it be, no tragic suicide? No reckless murder? No accidental death? I do believe that I can actually say that this is not all that angsty. It would seem so in the beginning, but I decided to let Bella have a happy ending this time; I've been feeling sorry for her lately. So, without further adieu, I present to you, the not-so-angsty-Sirius-Bella-with-a-somewhat-happy-ending!!!!! Yay!

Bellatrix Lestrange leaned out as far as her cell bars would allow, to see the prisoner being brought in. Normally she wouldn't bat an eye at such a common occurrence. But this was different. She knew that voice. So many times had she heard it, late at night, whisper empty promises to her. It was Sirius. The one she had loathed with every fiber in her body since the day he ad left her, betrayed her. She had hated the very thought of him and flinched at the mention of his name. The hatred between them was usually unimaginable. Then, some nights, she longed for his touch, to feel his strong arms around her once more, to feel his warm breath on her cheeks as he spoke soft consolations. But the yelling, the obscenities, the wandless curses she heard now, were much more familiar, and somehow comforting. _He was still the same. Still her Sirius. _Bella smiled to herself. So he had finally joined the Dark Lord…he must have, why else would he be here? The Ministry had no time for common criminals these days. The only people she ever saw brought in were Death Eaters, many of them old friends. He was led past her cell and she received her first glimpse of him in 10 years. His face she had touched so long ago was thin and sallow. His robes she remembered tearing off so many nights before were stained and ragged. His shoulder length hair she used to dream about tangling her hands in once more was matted and shaggy. Sirius did not notice her, but her eyes followed him as he passed. Bellatrix heard his cell door slam somewhere down the hall, and she shrunk back into her cell. What she felt now was the far from what she would have expected. Instead of definite hatred, she felt…confusion. Immediately, she felt indecision spread through her, overwhelming any reason left in her mind. She hated him. She had hated him ever since he had turned his back on her. But now was her chance. She could make it better. He could be hers again. Hers…so long had it been since she'd thought of him like that. The Dark Lord would come for them; they, his faithful followers, would be saved. And they could be…together. Such an odd word, so unused by her. But what did it mean? Would it be like before: half the time threatening to Avada Kedavra each other, and the other half making wildly passionate love? Sirius didn't seem to have changed, but _what if it was her?_ What if she was the one who wasn't the same? She found herself wondering, would his lips still taste the same? Would his hands still hold the same familiar warmth, so contrasting to her frigid skin? Could it ever as before? "Why are you even bothering with this? You only anguish yourself." And she knew it was true, she had brought most of this upon herself, conceiving these empty wishes. But there was nothing she could do; it was her way to keep her sanity. She would rather be haunted by these meaningless hopes for the rest of her life, than lose every bit of sense in her to the cold reality of the world. But now, now that he was here, there was still a chance that she _could_ go back. It wasn't all impossible. "Stupid girl," she told herself, "you can't go back to him now, he's a lunatic, you know that!" Scowl on her face, she resumed a neutral position against the wall of her cell, not allowing her expression to show what she was thinking, as though invisible eyes would tattle. She wished that Sirius could see her now, see what he had done to her. Because he _had_ done it, everything. He had betrayed her, sent her on death's path without a second thought. Somehow though, for some strange, incomprehensible reason, she loved him. She still kept his memory tucked away in the depths of her mind, only to be called upon with hate, until now. Before, it was always the cruelty, the harshness that she remembered. The way he had hurt her. The reasonless abandonment. The pleasure he had gotten out of seeing her helpless. But in this precious moment, she saw only the true and actual love he had provided her on those rare occasions, the forgiveness he had given _her_ when _she_ was wrong, and even the caring embraces he had held her in, only the night before he left. The nights she'd spent crying at his vindictiveness seemed irrelevant now. All that mattered was that she saw him again; touched him again, kissed him again. All that mattered was that they were in each other's company once more. But still, even knowing this, Bella didn't know if she could. If could have the courage to try and break through to him once more, the task that had once been so easy. But where she had once been able to pull off his façade like one would pull off a mask, she didn't know if she had the strength, the audacity to do it this time. "You've spent 10 years in Azkaban, girl, you can fend for yourself. Come on, you insufferable prat, just do it." She took a shaky breath and shut her eyes to block out everything, to concentrate just on this. On making him listen. Finally, she opened her mouth, and this time without hesitation, called out, "Cousin, hey cousin!" She sat for a moment in complete and total silence, the only noise the wind whistling outside her cell. Each second pushed her heart lower and lower into the ground. He wouldn't answer. He might not even have recognized her voice, made so faint and raspy by the horrific years in the prison. She had been right all along: all _was_ lost. Then suddenly, his voice cutting through the silence like a sword through the neck of a prisoner-simple, but not always welcome-a voice was heard throughout the prison, "Cousin? I've been waiting."

A/N: Well, I'm not sure if that was the best place to stop; I probably could have gone on, but then I run the risk of getting overly wordy, as I so often have a tendency to do, and I think have already done as much in this story, but oh well… So, did you like? Huh? Please review! Oh and for anyone waiting for a new chapter on "Pretty Please" **or **"Aragorn and Arwen", I shall most likely have a new chapter up for both sometime in the very near future. Perhaps even later today if I'm not too lazy, and if people are nice to me! And for you peepz who like Artemis Fowl, look for the first chapter of an upcoming Artemis Fowl fic soon! Love you guys!


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